Can't Orgasm and I'm Sick of It

Hi
I personaly would try with someone els. Just remember to be safe at all times. I had a girl with the same problem, she was in her late twenty's at that time. Our first time was a failure. The second time, with a lot of tender clit sucking, and patience, she came for the first time in her life. After that it became so much easier. Dont let too much time go by, you have to experience the joy of cumming. If that don't work, see a prof person to help. To climax is a natural right given to you.
Regards

Hello Angry,

Isn't the real problem that you're done with this boyfriend?  He quite obviously doesn't excite you.  You mention cheating on him with one of his friends who promises you the "best sex you've ever had."   Isn't that the real problem?  Done with one guy, and ready to move on to another one?

After all, if he's so unbelievably inadequate sexually, it really is a reason to dump him.  Good luck to you.

Best Wishes,

The Marquis

Angry,  

I can understand why you are feeling so cranky about this - the advice you have been given seems so bogus - and doesn't seem to work for you.

Two things occur to me:

1.  You mentioned that you have tried shoving your fingers inside and touching your clit.  Don't know if you are trying to touch your clit directly - most women probably find direct contact with something as rough as fingers on their clit directly too sensitive.  Try gently massaging your clit through the hood initially.  Most women don't orgasm by shoving their fingers inside so don't be too hard on yourself in that area.  This sounds like it has become a real quest of yours and that you are getting frustrated - the frustration won't let you be relaxed - and you are just not letting it happen.  Try this - with your paties on ask your boyfriend or do it yourself to just lightly run his fingertips gently over your vulva - let us know whether that feels good.  Do you get wet?  Do you lubricate?  That could make any 'action' downstairs painful too.

2.  You mention that you go down on your boyfriend, does he ever go down on you?  I don't think I've ever struck out on giving a lady an orgasm that way - my fingers can be a ittle harsh and calloused but my tongue seems to work.  Again, let your BF know not to focus directly on your clit - its kind of hard to describe - get him to flick his tongue under it, and around it, not too hard.  Sometimes slipping just a finger inside can work too if he gently pushes on the front wall of your vagina - the g spot.

Final piece of advice - don't bonk his friend - too close and the truth will come out sometime.  Next time you are somewhere else geographically, then experiment (safely) a little.  A final piece of advice, I didn't even realise what the clit was or where it was until my 20's - might I suggest some guy a little more experienced (and no, this is not a play for you!)

Good luck and let us know how you go.

Rod.

So if contact with your clitoris is "painful" when either you or your BF rub it, how would changing partners for one of your BF's friends solve that problem? I can't imagine some guy could have a better "touch" than what you can do for yourself. If you can't do it, how is it you think some guy can figure out your body better than you can?

It doesnt sound like your boyfriends bedroom skills are the problem here. If masterbating is painful for you, then sex/etc with your boyfriends friend is probaby going to hurt also. Maybe you just have an incredibly senstive clit.. I know the annoying feeling youre talking about bc i get it too cus im also highly sensitive.. Idk if you saw a comment i posted here recently about ways to avoid the actual clitoris head and focus on the lips, or your clitoral hood and only occasionally rub your clit.... Its a lot less intense but in a good way. Also, have you tried using a detachable shower head?? If you can adjust the pressure to very light pressure at first and see if you can increase the pressure from there.. I will say though, avoid letting the water go directly in your vagina, just stick with the clit/labia.. I've noticed before after using the shower head for masturbating that ive had sharp pains inside my vagina.. So i dont wanna recommend it without telling you that it might cause that if you let it go inside your vagina. Anyway.. my advice would be do not cheat on your boyfriend.. that can only lead to other problems such as major guilt trips, drama, etc... And i can almost guarantee you.. if your boyfriend cant get you off, and you cant get urself off, then your boyfriend's friend wont be able to either..

Have you thought about being with another female?  Maybe a girl will make you experience new things.

Hey Angry,

What is seems like re-soundingly the problem is to me, based on what you said is that:

1) Your boyfriend doesn't go down on you. . .

AND

2) He's lacking some experience about how to make a woman cum.

Personally, I don't know if his friend can offer you anything better, but I figure it's worth a try -- worse case scenario, he does the same thing and then you can eliminate him as a possible sex partner too in that case.  Guys your age generally talk a good game (I know because I used to be the same), but lack the experience to actually execute and follow-through.

I know I've been with women who have told me that direct clit stimulation with my fingers especially is a little "too much" for them, and they prefer stimulation through the hood, or even by my tongue (which by comparison is a LOT smoother and more lubricated than a finger).

I noticed all the things you mentioned in your letter, but you never mentioned once that your boyfriend licked your pussy -- sounds like he's a selfish guy to me, and I'll apologize for saying this now, but I often say what people are generally thinking but don't want to say, so here goes:

Being in love with him is no reason to stick around if the sex sucks, and you've tried teaching him, and now you're just in a rut with him.

Sex is important in any relationship, and if it's sucking for you now, staying with him just because you "love" him is only going to make things worse.

Your best bet right now??

1) Tell him you're unhappy with your sex life, and let him think of ways to improve things (you can assist with this by telling him what feels good to you, etc).  If that doesn't work, then you decide not to be with him anymore (since if he can't please you now even with help, he's probably not going to be able to later on either in all likelihood).

2) Tell him nothing and leave him (probably not the best idea).

3) Tell him you'd like to have an open relationship, so that you're free to still "love" him, yet you can find a man who will fulfill you sexually even though you'll be going home to him after all is said and done.

I mean, that's just my 3 cents, you can take it or leave it, but trust me when I tell you that honesty is always best in any kind of relationship. =0)

- Eric

Angry,

I also wanted to point out to you. . .

You said:

I've been thinking of cheating on him with one of his friends who promises to give me the best sex I've ever had.  

** This is generally a bad idea, even though I recommended it in my first post, only because it will create hatred and possible animosity between you, him, and his friend.  Oh, and they may stay "buds" afterwards, and just call you a "hoe" -- so this is something I might suggest you stay away from doing.  I'm sure you're an attractive chick and can find some other guy.

Thinking about this issue I feel EXTREMELY angry, embarassed, and unbearably un-sexy.

** I don't think you're angry -- I think the word is "frustrated" (correct me if I'm wrong).  But keep in mind that this is NOT your fault, and contrarily is nothing to be embarrassed about.  It just is what it is for right now.  Now you feeling un-sexy, I can totally understand because from what you've said it's only him that is getting any pleasure, and for lack of a better way to put it, he's basically "using" you.  Talk to him (or not), or find a man who will get it done right for you (in your case, depending on your age you may want to look into a guy who's a year older than you or something -- for example, if you're 16, go for a guy who's 17).

It'll make all the difference, and you'll be glad you did either way, and you'll definitely be happier! =0)

- Eric

I CAN NOT ORGASM DURING SEX AND ITS NORMAL.  
A lot of women need stimulation of the clit during sex in order to orgasm. It could be because your g-spot isn't as enlarged as other peoples. I don't enjoy masturbating either It only feels good when my boyfriend touches me and sometimes it hurts because my clit is extremely sensitive. If you have lips I suggest rubbing them against your clit instead of your fingers (my boyfriends hands are rough from playing guitar and working on his car) but my soft lips feel SO good against it. Like I said I can't cum unless I have extra stimulation either and it is normal, I have become a master at faking because of it, and I never orgasm during sex until I met my current boyfriend, he picked up on it right away and now if he wants me to cum he goes right to it.  

As for cheating with his friend, do you really want to be that girl? Every guy will tell you they can give you "the best sex you have ever had" but most times it is not that way. You sound bored and if he isn't pleasing you dump him, don't cheat that is extremely low and disrespectful. If you really care about him you would not think about cheating.

I forgot to mention that I also can not cum from penetration either.. I have to have clitoral stimulation or it wont happen... Luckily, oral is a given, I alwasy come from that.As long as its done correctly( not overly stimulating my clit) I can cum from fingers rubbing my wet lips,hood, clit.. i have noticed that the orgasm is more intense when my boyfriend is fingering me with one finger while eating me out.. BUT thats not always the case, sometimes fingering and using hands in general creates an irritating painful sensation. So i guess the big question is, and seems everyone is interested, has he gone down on you??? Cus that my friend, could be the answer to all your problems.. My boyfriend knows its a MUST everytime we do anything cus its pretty much the only way i'll come.

Angry,

First of all, I don't recall your earlier posts so I really have no point of reference upon which to deal with this post. I must therefore respond to this post as it stands based upon what I know about the answers you're likely to have gotten from those who frequent this site. Lesson learned. If you're going to bring up an older post, you should probably reference it, so we can avoid repeating ourselves and can be more helpful.

Now to your post.  

Why the hell are you acting pissed off at us? It isn't our fault you can't get off. apparently we advised you to educate him. This would be excellent advice, but it puts the responsibility of finding out what feels good upon you. Theee is no pat answer or magic pill, everyone is different. The things I do to make myywife speak in tongues probably won't work on you. I will save you time on something though. Vaginal tightness has nothing to do with age or experience. If you're loose, it doesn't mean you're a slut, it just neans you have a big pussy. And since  these things are often genetic, your mom probably does too.

Buy books do your homework, don't be afraid to experiment. And encourage your boyfriind to do the same. We all know he isn't or he would have found something that works by now. Remember, fucking is a natural act. Being good at it isn't.

And don't be so concerned about your orgasm. The real fun is getting there. Often the orgasm just means the sex is over.

XOXO t_d

Tempest, I traced down her earlier posts. She used the name DarkRomantic back then:

letter 2432 in May 2009

letter 2776 last January (plus one post in that same thread)

To Angry (aka DarkRomantic):
I'm quoting from your older post in January:
"... it DOESN'T FEEL GOOD when ANYTHING touches my clit. Of course I've tried masterbating. And it felt BAD [...] And the problem is, my boyfriend won't go down on me. And whenever he did, it SUCKED (no pun intended). All he'd do is lick the area between my clit and my vagina. I told him a THOUSAND times to do something different, I told him what feels good and what doesn't, and he never ever listened to me. Lately, he doesn't even TOUCH me. He just strips me down, kisses me a bit and gets right to sex. Whenever I told him MORE FOREPLAY PLEASE he never listened. He thinks it's cool for me to suck his cock constantly but he won't do a thing for me."

And from your current letter at the top of this page:
"I HATE masterbating because, it doesn't feel good, it just feels painful. Shoving my fingers in my vagina literally feels like nothing, and it's not because I'm loose - I'm a teenager. Touching my clit feels painful and awful"

It is possible that your boyfriend is sexually incompetent although it seems to me that he just sort of gave up on pleasing you. He probably feels there is nothing he can do to get you off. I read your posts and all the relevant replies from people, and I believe you have a form of female sexual dysfunction that justifies the professional help of a doctor.

I'm not sure if it is Female Sexual Arousal Disorder or Female Orgasmic Disorder. Maybe even both.  Please make an appointment with a gynecologist and get to the bottom of this. There is no shame in this! Your boyfriend will need to be made aware of it and if he is truly in love with you he will stick around and be part of the treatment.

Meanwhile you should read up on it if you haven't yet done so. Here is a good site to start. Good luck.

I agree with Labi,  
After reading your earlier posts, and some of the responses to it, it looks like there are far too many things going on. From a boyfriend who doesn't seem to give two shits about your pleasure, to an inability or unwillingness to use our advice. to some very real issues with sexual dysfunction or maybe even emotional or psychological issues. If you're still having these issues, and they're making you this unhappy, you may want to seek professional help.